Marriage in the Muslim World
This week is celebrated all over the world as the week of love. In light of all the chocolates, roses, and heartfelt Hallmark cards, we thought it would be special to highlight the sacrament of marriage in Muslim culture through the experience of one of our own at Say Hello.
Much like anywhere, Muslim wedding practices vary from region to region, country to country, and even household to household. Most Muslim weddings do, however, hold fast to some core components that are less negotiable. Every Muslim wedding starts with a proposal. You won’t be invited to it, but you should know about it.
Traditionally, the Muslim marriage proposal happens between families. Parents are to be careful guardians of their family’s honor and their children’s well-being. Typically, a boy’s family will approach the family of a girl whom they believe to be a good match for their son. If the girl’s family agrees to consider the possibility, they will take some time to think about it among themselves. Most families will learn what they can about the boy’s reputation and his ability to provide for their daughter before moving forward. If and when all parties agree that the match is a good one, the girl’s family will accept the proposal. An engagement party usually follows.
I have a Muslim friend who is in her 20’s. She is a university graduate—the self-proclaimed apple of her father’s eye. “The majority of the Muslims in [my country] prefer that their life partner is chosen by their family,” she says. “The reason is that we believe marriage is the union of two families rather than two people. Hence, we learn to love the person we get married to . . . . We believe that our parents know best.”
In some contexts the bride and groom will not know each other at all before they meet at their own wedding. However, often in places that are impacted by urbanization and globalization, parents will allow the daughters and sons to meet before they marry. Many parents want to be sure that their children approve of the arrangement even before it is proposed; however, dating is not the norm. Some couples might be allowed to socialize in chaperoned settings before or/and after the match is finalized, prior to the wedding. Regardless, in arranged marriages the fiancés do most of their acquainting after they are married. One friend of mine jovially recalls that she did not even know what her husband’s favorite color was before she became his wife.
Most Westerners have a little trouble appreciating the practice of arranged marriages, but it is important to emphasize that the practice is not uniquely Muslim. Islam, like Christianity, was birthed in the East, where arranged marriage remains the practice for Easterners of many faiths. That is something to bear in mind particularly if your Muslim friend is an immigrant neighbor. Muslim marriages still incorporate ancient Eastern practice; they reflect the nature of Old and New Testamentary wedding narrative and allegory. Weddings become a point of contact where our Muslim friends and we share common heritage, which can inspire Truth dialogues and redemptive relationship.
Tune in to our next blog installment for a behind-the-scenes look at the various days of wedding festivities within Muslim culture.